are there instructions for this?

That could be the question that I have asked the most lately. It feels like life is happening at warp speed and a few months ago when I decided I wanted to buy a house, I really don't think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. A month later and still a month from my closing date and I have a little bit better of an idea, however, I am still constantly feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. And it's not just a feeling, I literally have no idea. 

It has been a month of talking to realtors, builders, mortgage people, insurance people, and anyone else that happens to be in the business of helping someone buy a house. If you know me at all, you know how what words like "insurance" and "budget" make me do- cringe. I was born to be an teacher. My mind works in ways of colors, shapes, and bulletin boards, not numbers, rates, and percentages. If you know me at all, you are probably laughing at this point imagining me throughout this process- comical, I know. As overwhelming as this process has been, it has also been a lot of fun and more than anything else, a learning experience.

The last blog I wrote focused on my word for 2015- expectant. Little did I know, that word was about to take on a whole new meaning for me. A whole new chapter of my life trusting and expecting that the Lord would provide guidance, direction and clarity- in areas that I had never trusted Him with before. Decisions like deciding to move out and decisions like buying a house.

Yesterday, I was on my way home from the gym and the bad weather was really starting to set in. The freezing rain had just started and I was in a rush to get home. I was driving down the interstate and hit some black ice. My car started to spin and I ended up hitting a guardrail on a bridge facing the opposite direction. It was the scariest moment of my entire life. When my car finally hit the guardrail and stopped I sat for a second a realized I had no idea what to do. I didn't know who I was supposed to call or what I was supposed to do. Once again, are there instructions for this? So I called the only person I knew to call- my Daddy. He had to have known something was wrong as soon as I said, "Daddy..." mainly because I was crying and I know I sounded scared to death, because I was. After assuring him that I was fine he told me that it was going to be okay and that he was on his way. It was instant comfort for me. My Daddy knew what to do and he was coming to get me home safely. 

It made me really think again about the stage of life that I am in and the direction and guidance that I am so desperately seeking. All the questions about mortgages, rates, insurance and all the other stuff that scares me to death, doesn't scare my Daddy because he's done it before. He's been down that road and he is completely prepared to help me down that road as well. He has had the wreck before and been scared and not known who to call. He has made wise and unwise decisions and wants to help me make wise decisions of my own. He has the whole box of t-shirts and what is currently so scary to me isn't for him because he's looking at it from a different point of view. 

Isn't that the same comfort we can have with our Heavenly Father? He's been there, done that and has our best interest at heart. We can trust Him. He wants to see us make wise decisions and He wants to give us the desires of our heart. He is looking at our lives from a completely different point of view and wants the absolute very best for us. What is so scary now doesn't have to be so scary anymore because of a Father who only gives good gifts to His children. 

I am so thankful that the Lord is a promise maker and a promise keeper. My heart is expectant that the best is yet to come and what is yet to come is a little less scary because I know I have a Father looking out, ready to guide me, and get me home safely. 

expectant.

My word for 2015. I've never had a word before and I think that might explain why this year and my first "word" is what it is. 

I've never really looked at the New Year as a time to start over or a chance to change and do things differently. Sure, I set goals but I have never been much of a resolution person. Maybe that's why the idea of a word was so attractive to me. 

2014 was a year where I wanted a lot of things to happen. Many of the things I wanted to happen did, in fact, happen. But there are things that didn't and I was left desperately wanting things to be different than they were. 

2014 brought many blessings into my life. One of them, and possibly the most life changing was my small group. A group of about 10 ladies, a variety of ages, and a love developed for each other like nothing I have ever seen. What I have shared and continue to share with those ladies is so special, so genuine, and most importantly, so God-centered. 

So, from that experience and from learning and doing life with them comes my word: expectant. 

Through a study we did about Gideon, I have learned that God will always meet you where you are- in the winepress (where Gideon was), in the daily grind, in the monotonous, and in the moments where it really doesn't seem or feel like He will. 

Through my dear friends, I have learned that God is faithful. Week after week we do life together and share stories of God showing up and how the Lord is changing and shaping each heart. In 6 short months, my group of friends has shared extreme joy and extreme heartbreak- both resulting in the glory being given to the Lord and an understood that the Lord works for our good and His glory (by the way, that is not a truth easily grasped in the storm, one that you must constantly cling to with the help of community). There have been so many laughs, probably more tears, and many times where the laughing has led to tears. Aside from a few close friends, I have never experienced friendship and community like this.

I came to the word expectant at the end of our Gideon study. We were sharing what we got most out of the study and the word just kept popping into my head. Gideon taught me that the Lord will meet me exactly where I am and that He can use me exactly where I am. And week after week I get to see the Lord be faithful in my friends' life and in my own. Based on those things, how could I NOT be expectant? 

I realized that my posture towards the Lord matters just as much as the fact that He promises to meet me. Because He keeps His promises, I can be expectant. I can expect Him to love, provide, fill me with joy, and give me His absolute best. Because the Lord promises to meet me where I am and promises to use me, and because He is faithful and keeps His promises, I can be expectant. 

An expectant heart changes everything. 

So here's to 2015 and expecting it to be the best year yet. 

Patient for Promise.

I'm a words person. I read a lot, I write a lot and I definitely talk a lot. My room, my classroom, my computer, my dashboard, anywhere I spend time is plastered with words that are encouragement to my heart. Because life is hard and encouraging words are good for the soul. I was reading recently and came across a quote that I really haven't been able to get out of my head or my heart...

"When you are willing to settle for immediate fulfillment instead of being patient for promise, you start complaining instead of encouraging."

It stuck. So I wrote it down and put it on my computer at school so that every time I saw it, it was a reminder to be patient, but not only patient...patient for promise.

Recently, patient has not been a word that could describe me. Not that it ever really is, but definitely not lately. I have had such a hard time with the first part of that quote, patient for promise. Because I really think I forgot what I was being called to be patient for... promise, His promise, which HE promises is more than I could ever imagine. I got so caught up in the fact that right now isn't an easy season of life for me, and that life is hard, and things weren't going how I wanted them to go. I wanted all of that fixed right now, immediately. I found myself complaining, and in no way being thankful or anywhere close to encouraging. My desire for immediate fulfillment had grown larger than my desire for what the Lord has planned for my life.

There is purpose in the Lord having us be patient. The Lord isn't holding out on you. He wants to bless you immeasurably and He does want to give you the desires of your heart- He promises that. And looking back even over the past week, the Lord has shown me that He knows the desires of my heart better than I do. For that, I am so thankful. That He would move, give, and take away based on Him wanting the absolute best for His daughter and refusing to let me settle for something less than His best for me.

The purpose of being patient for promise is faith, faith that the Lord is in control regardless of any feeling that I may have. The Lord is a promise maker and a promise keeper and for that I am so thankful. And it is also because of that I can truly believe that the best is yet to come. 

Other words that have encouraged me greatly are these...

"Because He loves you, God will not bless you so richly that you do not have to trust Him. He blesses you seasonally, proportionately, and incremently because He wants to bestow you with both the gift itself and the gift of faith, and never the former without the latter."

Promise maker, promise keeper, in control and working for His glory and my good. For all those reasons and more, I can trust Him and be patient for His promise that will be greater than I could ever hope or imagine.

It is well.

I work with some of the most incredible people ever. After a long Monday of school and parent-teacher conferences, I walked into another teacher's room to two of the people on my team listening to one of my favorite groups, Bethel. They immediately insisted that I hear the song. The song is called, "It Is Well." It was a song I had heard before and liked but had never really focused on the words until one of them literally said, "Listen to those words, like does it get any better than that?"

The words were, "Let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."

Just the words "Let go my soul..." means so much. It was the most perfect reminder on the most perfect of days that the very thing that my heart and soul won't let go of, deserves to be laid at the feet of Jesus. And because of the next words of the song, laying it down and letting it go is all okay.

"The waves and wind still know His name."

The storms in life full of waves and wind know His name and they STILL have to answer to Him, like they have had to from the very beginning of time. I am so thankful that the Lord is sovereign and that everything in my life is either God-arranged or God-allowed. Nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to me has not passed through the hands of the Lord. I am also thankful that He is a good Father who only knows how to give good gifts.

So, listen to the song. If you're like me, it should probably be on repeat as a reminder to your soul to let go and keep your eyes on the Lord, through it all.

It It Well by Bethel

keep going...

Today was my first official day as a 4th grade teacher. This time next week, I will have completed my first "First Day of School." In our faculty meeting this morning, we were shown this video and I was so touched by the simple words. If you are like me, this you are seeing this video at the most perfect time, funny how that works isn't it? So check it out. :)

http://youtu.be/-JhwaRYOgxo

When I think about the people that have reminded me to "Keep Going," so many people come to mind. My parents, best friends, teammates, family, etc. The list is honestly endless. But then I think about the people that have no idea that they have encouraged me. It might not come in the form of the actual words "Keep Going," but in the form of any encouragement, a smile, a text message, or a note on a day when it is more needed than that person will ever know. That list is even longer and it has grown exponentially in the last few months. I am so blessed. 

We all have people in our lives that are great encouragers, people that seem like they were actually put on this Earth to encourage and remind us to "Keep Going." My life is full of those people. My mom and dad are those people and not just because they are my parents and they are supposed to but because they are actually amazing encouragers and they speak so much life into the people that they come into contact with on a daily basis. I have so many more people that do this for me but if I started to list them this could get pretty long.

Those people in our lives do so much for us and the odds are that we never get the chance or just never tell them thank you or how amazing they are at what they do. Like this video says, Tell them.

"Even though the waves are bigger than our boats- the winds keep us sailing and love gives us hope."

a plan to give you hope and a future...

I am a short 2 days away from setting foot in my very first classroom. To say that the past 4 years flew by is an understatement, it went faster than I could have ever imagined. As a freshman starting a degree in elementary education, it felt like this time would never come, but it is here and faster than I ever thought it would be. At the beginning of this summer I looked at the beginning of school a little like it was imaginary but now the closer it gets, the more it is setting in and the more I am realizing about the adventure that I set off on in a few short days.

Getting to this point was not easy or the "normal" route but I have seen the Lord work so much in my life this summer and in the process of getting a job. This may be lengthy but it shows the goodness of the Lord and how He keeps His promises.

The classroom I will walk into on Monday morning wasn't the classroom I imagined myself in when I graduated. Before graduation I interviewed at a wonderful school and was under the impression that that is the school where I would start my career. After starting the hiring process there was a short time where the things that were supposed to be happening on the timeline weren't and I became a little concerned about my position at this particular school. Graduation came and went and I moved back home and eagerly started thinking about my future classroom, students, and career. However, the more time that passed the less I heard about confirming my hiring and signing my contract. I reached out to the necessary people and sitting on my front porch right at sundown (my favorite time of day) I learned that my position was no longer mine and I would have to start the job search over from square one. Being offered a position before graduation, in the field of education, is very rare and I was so looking forward to a stress free summer where looking for a job was the least of my worries- but obviously, that quickly became the very situation I found myself in. I was given no answers or reasons why.

I am usually a very low stress person and I am not easily bent out of shape when it comes to things I cannot control, but I must say that I started a little bit of a freakout. I had already told people about my job opportunity and people knew that is where I was supposed to be. I was a little embarrassed that when people asked I now had to explain myself and what happened without really having any sort of clue myself. I was frustrated and really didn't know what to do.

I watched the district website and sent countless emails but I was so discouraged that I really didn't feel like doing anything about my situation at all. I decided to email a principal in the area that I had talked to earlier in the year about an opening. I knew she had probably already filled the position but it would be worth a shot, why not, she might have something or know someone who did. Upon emailing that principal I got an email back almost instantly. She asked me to come in for an interview the next week.

Between emailing the principal and my interview date I was also contacted by a high school in the same area as the school I would be interviewing at to come in and talk about a softball coaching job. I have wanted to coach for as long as I have wanted to be a teacher and I always knew that it would be part of my career I was just not prepared for it to be so soon into my career. I actually went for both interviews on the same day. I went to the softball interview first and sat in the office waiting when the resource officer pretended to answer the phone and said, "Joe's Pool Hall, 8 ball speaking..." If you read my post about my Papa, you'll remember that told me how to answer the phone in this exact way. I actually smiled sitting there in the school office at the most perfect reminder of my Papa. I enjoyed speaking with the people at the high school and left the interview with them saying they would be in touch. I then went to the elementary school that is literally 7 minutes down the road. I sat in that office waiting area for about 10 minutes where I heard a little kid look up at his dad and say, "I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich." Another one of my Papa's favorite things to say to me and my little brother. At this point I actually looked at the ceiling and smiled because twice in one day was just too cool. If that wasn't a sign enough for me then I don't know what is. I haven't done very many interviews, but I have never felt more at home or comfortable around a group of people than I did at that school and I left feeling very hopeful.

I received two calls that afternoon, one from Welcome Elementary where I will be teaching 4th grade this coming year and one from Berea High School where I am the head softball coach. I went from no job to two jobs in a matter of twelve hours. I was so thankful and, if I'm honest, a little overwhelmed.

When my first job opportunity fell through I was upset because I thought that was the best thing that could have happened to me, a job before graduation at a school with an outstanding reputation. But, and there is always a but, the Lord had SO much more in store. My heart is with children that attend Title 1 schools, schools were the majority of the students are living in poverty. The school where I would have been was not Title 1 but Welcome Elementary is. My heart is also on a ball field with girls who I can build relationships with and make better through the game of softball. That door would not have been open at the beginning of this process either but me being at Welcome opened the door to be able to coach at Berea.

I am so thankful that the Lord closes doors and that He opens doors. At a time where I was very frustrated and discouraged, the Lord opened doors in my life that have put me in a position that I truly think will allow others to see more of Him than if I were anywhere else.

The Lord promises to do more than we could imagine (Eph. 3:20) and He promises to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I am seeing Him do both and I could not be more excited to see Him work for my good and for His glory.

The classroom I will walk into on Monday may not be the classroom I imagined myself in but I am certain and so thankful it is the classroom that I am supposed to be in.

As I start this journey, pray for me, my students, my players, that I will be a teacher that makes a difference and a coach that betters players not only as athletes but as people too. 

position and intention

I recently heard a message that had this as a main point- it doesn't matter what your intentions are, the positions you put yourself in will always determine your actions. 

Of course, I immediately was like, "Yeah! That's good stuff," and then the more that I thought about it I started to think of how it applied to my life. Then, I started to defend myself a little. My thoughts turned to, "I agree with all that and I put myself in good positions and my intentions are good and blah blah blah..." I quickly realized something about myself, and I must say it was not an easy realization- I have great intentions, however, I don't always put myself in situations that help me reach those good intentions. When it comes to the black and white stuff, I'm pretty solid, however, I found myself complaining about certain things and expecting those things to change based on the other person or the circumstance instead of taking things into my own hands and changing my position.

Realizing all of this came pretty quickly but the putting it into action did not. I found that we as people become very comfortable with certain situations we put ourselves in, even if they are not the best for reaching our good intentions. I was comfortable with my complaining and putting all the blame on someone else and continuing to think things would change when they obviously would not, I would have sat in that pity party forever because I was comfortable there. But, where I was meant that I was experiencing no growth, no movement forward. Growth rarely happens in the comfortable. 

So, I made a choice to get uncomfortable and change my position, reach my good intentions, and grow a little. I'm not going to lie, it was and is still a little uncomfortable but that's okay. I know that I am growing and changing and putting myself into positions that are going to help me and the other people in my life. 

As I sit here and write this, I am reminded of Ephesians 3:20 where the Lord promises to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine. What this means to me in this situation is this- I am uncomfortable but I am growing and He is doing immeasurably more in my life and that immeasurably more is worth the small amount of discomfort and most definitely worth the growth that I am experiencing. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."  -Ephesians 3:20