are there instructions for this?

That could be the question that I have asked the most lately. It feels like life is happening at warp speed and a few months ago when I decided I wanted to buy a house, I really don't think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. A month later and still a month from my closing date and I have a little bit better of an idea, however, I am still constantly feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. And it's not just a feeling, I literally have no idea. 

It has been a month of talking to realtors, builders, mortgage people, insurance people, and anyone else that happens to be in the business of helping someone buy a house. If you know me at all, you know how what words like "insurance" and "budget" make me do- cringe. I was born to be an teacher. My mind works in ways of colors, shapes, and bulletin boards, not numbers, rates, and percentages. If you know me at all, you are probably laughing at this point imagining me throughout this process- comical, I know. As overwhelming as this process has been, it has also been a lot of fun and more than anything else, a learning experience.

The last blog I wrote focused on my word for 2015- expectant. Little did I know, that word was about to take on a whole new meaning for me. A whole new chapter of my life trusting and expecting that the Lord would provide guidance, direction and clarity- in areas that I had never trusted Him with before. Decisions like deciding to move out and decisions like buying a house.

Yesterday, I was on my way home from the gym and the bad weather was really starting to set in. The freezing rain had just started and I was in a rush to get home. I was driving down the interstate and hit some black ice. My car started to spin and I ended up hitting a guardrail on a bridge facing the opposite direction. It was the scariest moment of my entire life. When my car finally hit the guardrail and stopped I sat for a second a realized I had no idea what to do. I didn't know who I was supposed to call or what I was supposed to do. Once again, are there instructions for this? So I called the only person I knew to call- my Daddy. He had to have known something was wrong as soon as I said, "Daddy..." mainly because I was crying and I know I sounded scared to death, because I was. After assuring him that I was fine he told me that it was going to be okay and that he was on his way. It was instant comfort for me. My Daddy knew what to do and he was coming to get me home safely. 

It made me really think again about the stage of life that I am in and the direction and guidance that I am so desperately seeking. All the questions about mortgages, rates, insurance and all the other stuff that scares me to death, doesn't scare my Daddy because he's done it before. He's been down that road and he is completely prepared to help me down that road as well. He has had the wreck before and been scared and not known who to call. He has made wise and unwise decisions and wants to help me make wise decisions of my own. He has the whole box of t-shirts and what is currently so scary to me isn't for him because he's looking at it from a different point of view. 

Isn't that the same comfort we can have with our Heavenly Father? He's been there, done that and has our best interest at heart. We can trust Him. He wants to see us make wise decisions and He wants to give us the desires of our heart. He is looking at our lives from a completely different point of view and wants the absolute very best for us. What is so scary now doesn't have to be so scary anymore because of a Father who only gives good gifts to His children. 

I am so thankful that the Lord is a promise maker and a promise keeper. My heart is expectant that the best is yet to come and what is yet to come is a little less scary because I know I have a Father looking out, ready to guide me, and get me home safely. 

expectant.

My word for 2015. I've never had a word before and I think that might explain why this year and my first "word" is what it is. 

I've never really looked at the New Year as a time to start over or a chance to change and do things differently. Sure, I set goals but I have never been much of a resolution person. Maybe that's why the idea of a word was so attractive to me. 

2014 was a year where I wanted a lot of things to happen. Many of the things I wanted to happen did, in fact, happen. But there are things that didn't and I was left desperately wanting things to be different than they were. 

2014 brought many blessings into my life. One of them, and possibly the most life changing was my small group. A group of about 10 ladies, a variety of ages, and a love developed for each other like nothing I have ever seen. What I have shared and continue to share with those ladies is so special, so genuine, and most importantly, so God-centered. 

So, from that experience and from learning and doing life with them comes my word: expectant. 

Through a study we did about Gideon, I have learned that God will always meet you where you are- in the winepress (where Gideon was), in the daily grind, in the monotonous, and in the moments where it really doesn't seem or feel like He will. 

Through my dear friends, I have learned that God is faithful. Week after week we do life together and share stories of God showing up and how the Lord is changing and shaping each heart. In 6 short months, my group of friends has shared extreme joy and extreme heartbreak- both resulting in the glory being given to the Lord and an understood that the Lord works for our good and His glory (by the way, that is not a truth easily grasped in the storm, one that you must constantly cling to with the help of community). There have been so many laughs, probably more tears, and many times where the laughing has led to tears. Aside from a few close friends, I have never experienced friendship and community like this.

I came to the word expectant at the end of our Gideon study. We were sharing what we got most out of the study and the word just kept popping into my head. Gideon taught me that the Lord will meet me exactly where I am and that He can use me exactly where I am. And week after week I get to see the Lord be faithful in my friends' life and in my own. Based on those things, how could I NOT be expectant? 

I realized that my posture towards the Lord matters just as much as the fact that He promises to meet me. Because He keeps His promises, I can be expectant. I can expect Him to love, provide, fill me with joy, and give me His absolute best. Because the Lord promises to meet me where I am and promises to use me, and because He is faithful and keeps His promises, I can be expectant. 

An expectant heart changes everything. 

So here's to 2015 and expecting it to be the best year yet.