...and to the ends of the earth.

Anyone that knows me or has talked to me for longer than five minutes knows that I am a scaredy-cat. I am scared of the dark, bad weather, being alone, my shadow, etc. Those things I listed are minor, like very simple, everyday things in life. You can imagine my fear of being away from my family for an extended period of time or flying halfway around the world. For a few years now, God has been calling me to face those fears and get involved in world missions and for a few years now, I have given him excuse after excuse. I have used softball taking up my summer as an excuse or not having the time or money to do what He has asked of me. My silly, incapable mind forgets that my God isn't limited by time or money and each time I have remembered this, I try to stifle the thought and push it to the back of my mind. I also often think that God doesn't want to use me in the way to better His kingdom. Clearly, I think too much and God wants me to stop it and just do what He has asked. 


So, with that in mind- less thinking, more acting- I am giving in. My brother has been to Romania for the past three summers on mission trips and upon returning every year, he asks me if I want to go with him the next summer. Each year I give him the shrug and a half-hearted "maybe." This year, however, I have told him yes, I want to go. I am scared out of my daggum mind but I am also SO dang excited about what God has planned for the children of Romania that we will work with and what God has planned for ME through this trip. There will be much more to come about this as the summer gets closer! :) 


Part of what helped me to make this decision was the sermon at church this past week. I attend Newspring Church and this past Sunday, the sermon was titled, "It's Not About Me." Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. The world is a huge place, and when I think about my size in comparison to the size of the world it is kind of a reality check. I am small, like really small. I am small enough that I shouldn't matter, but, God saw me (and you) as worth it, worth saving, worth mattering and He has an incredible plan to make life matter on a whole other level (Ephesians 3:20). Thank goodness I serve a God that amazing.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." -Matthew 28:19

Challenge Day

I had the amazing opportunity to participate in Challenge Day at JL Mann on Tuesday. If you have ever seen the show on MTV called "If You Really Knew Me," it is the same thing! The only word to describe it is amazing, and even that doesn't really do it any justice. 
The whole point of Challenge Day is to be able to be yourself, express your feelings, and learn that you are not alone in life, ever. It was a very emotional day but it was a refreshing one as well. 


The group was composed of 130 people; students, teachers, and people from the community. We started the day playing some games to get everyone used to each other and comfortable. As the day progressed, things got more serious and the topics we discussed got deeper. There were 2 activities that really were the most influential to me. The first was done in a small group of 6 people and we completed the sentence, "If you really knew me..." Wow, can you say emotional? Things were shared in my small group that those students had never told anyone. Heck, I told those students things I had never told anyone! It was amazing to see the relief on some of their faces when I shared that I struggle with insecurity or that they weren't the only person feeling "not good enough" or abandoned by someone close to them. And to be honest, it was a refreshing relief for me as well. 


The other activity that I liked was so powerful. It was called "Cross the Line." There were two lines on the floor and the leader would call out different categories. If the category pertained to you, you would cross the line. The scary part? Not knowing if you would be the only person to cross the line. The scary part? Vulnerability. The categories ranged anywhere from having lost someone close to you to having thoughts of suicide and feelings of inadequacy. The most powerful part of this exercise though was this, seeing that you did not cross the line alone. I saw that high school students, community people, and even teachers struggle with the same issues and have experienced some of the same pain in life. There was one category that got me, and I mean really got me. The leader said, "Cross the line if you have ever been teased, put down, or hurt by anyone IN THIS ROOM." Can you imagine the tension? I looked up and saw my little brother cross the line. As much as we joke and play and know that we love each other, there was something about seeing him cross that line and knowing that somewhere along the line, I had contributed to that. It changed the way I look at him and our relationship. It was so powerful.

Challenge Day exceeded my expectations in every way possible. I made new friends, and I grew closer to old friends. I learned that it is okay to express your feelings, matter of fact, it is healthy. I also learned that I am not alone in life, ever. There is someone, somewhere who feels like I do. And lastly, I learned that there are people that are around me every single day that are struggling and I may never know. How I treat them could make their day or break it. I could be the best part of their day or the worst. Everyone is fighting a battle, we just can't always see it. Be kind. 


I really think living life with this outlook will not only change the lives of people I come in contact with, it will change my life as well. The motto for Challenge Day is "Be the Change." So as a challenge to you and to myself, What are you going to do in order to "be the change?" 

home.

I am so happy that I go to school close enough to come home whenever I feel like it. And since I love my family and I love home, I feel like it quite often. As I sit here on the couch with my entire family, I am reminded, once again, how incredibly blessed I am. I have a mother who is my best friend, a father who is more supportive than anyone else I know, and a little brother who is the most caring and compassionate person I have ever met. 


And even as I sit here I am a little annoyed by the silly things they do, but I'm totally okay with it. Sometimes I want to come home because I miss my little brother getting on my nerves. I actually miss my mom asking me a million questions about every single thing in my life. And I miss mine and my Dad's identical personalities clashing every other conversation. Two years ago, I could not wait to go to college and get away- and now, I look for any reason to come home to these crazy, annoying, amazing, loving people. 

I am so thankful for their presence and impact in my life. I have a mama who has always taught me the value of hard work and the importance of encouragement, a positive attitude, and surrounding yourself with the right people. My daddy has always taught me to guard my heart and to be careful who I give it to. And my brother has taught me unconditional love. And together, we have seen and experienced the importance of centering every single relationship in each of our lives around Jesus Christ. 

Your family isn't yours by accident. Neither is mine. God blessed me with my mom, dad, and brother for a reason. He knew they were exactly what I would need to get through life and He knew that together we would do life. Would it always be easy? Heck no. But would it always be fun and totally worth it? Of course. 

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." -Anthony Brandt

How Great Thou Art :)

This video speaks for itself. One of my absolute favorites. Of all time. Ever...you get the point. :)

Welcome to Holland

This is a piece that we read in my education class today. While it pertains to raising a child with a disability, it really could apply to any area of life, especially when it comes to the plans we thought we had. Enjoy :) 




Welcome to Holland
Emily Perl Kingsley


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

identity.

I am reading a book by Beth Moore called So Long, Insecurity. It is an amazing book and I highly recommend it to anyone struggling with insecurity (which, let's be honest, is everyone) or a sense of purpose. 

The past few chapters have especially hit close to home for me and I thought they may be relevant enough to share. The book has talked about the roots of insecurity in our lives and where our feelings of inadequacy come from. While there are a so many places insecurity comes from, pride is one of the greatest roots of all insecurity. A lack of pride will cause insecurity in ourselves quicker than anything else and it will cause us to look at others through eyes that have a filter over them that somehow relates everything back to "ME." 

Pride and Identity have a direct relationship. Our identity often times is a result of our own pride- what we do well, when we feel we look our best, etc. If I base my identity on my pride and things I am prideful in or about, my identity will undoubtedly be a freaking rollercoaster. Let's face it- there are days when I don't feel I look my best and there are days when I feel like I do nothing very well. On those days, my pride suffers. On those days, my identity is lost. 

 In the book, Beth Moore makes a great connection between Genesis 1:27 and Ecclesiastes 3:11. 

Genesis 1:27 says that God created man in His own image. (which is perfect, by the way).

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God set eternity in the hearts of men.

Since we are created in the image of God, and we have eternity set in our hearts, we have something inside of us, a desire, that knows we are made for something more. Something enormous. 

Beth Moore goes on to say "Pride is the result of mistaking the eternal for the temporal." 

Wow....our pride SO gets in the way of what God wants to do in our lives. Pride causes us to focus on our selves more than God. When we focus on ourselves more than God, we have a false sense of identity. The false identity focuses on the temporal. The true identity focuses on the eternal. 

"Confidence is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away."