Patient for Promise.

I'm a words person. I read a lot, I write a lot and I definitely talk a lot. My room, my classroom, my computer, my dashboard, anywhere I spend time is plastered with words that are encouragement to my heart. Because life is hard and encouraging words are good for the soul. I was reading recently and came across a quote that I really haven't been able to get out of my head or my heart...

"When you are willing to settle for immediate fulfillment instead of being patient for promise, you start complaining instead of encouraging."

It stuck. So I wrote it down and put it on my computer at school so that every time I saw it, it was a reminder to be patient, but not only patient...patient for promise.

Recently, patient has not been a word that could describe me. Not that it ever really is, but definitely not lately. I have had such a hard time with the first part of that quote, patient for promise. Because I really think I forgot what I was being called to be patient for... promise, His promise, which HE promises is more than I could ever imagine. I got so caught up in the fact that right now isn't an easy season of life for me, and that life is hard, and things weren't going how I wanted them to go. I wanted all of that fixed right now, immediately. I found myself complaining, and in no way being thankful or anywhere close to encouraging. My desire for immediate fulfillment had grown larger than my desire for what the Lord has planned for my life.

There is purpose in the Lord having us be patient. The Lord isn't holding out on you. He wants to bless you immeasurably and He does want to give you the desires of your heart- He promises that. And looking back even over the past week, the Lord has shown me that He knows the desires of my heart better than I do. For that, I am so thankful. That He would move, give, and take away based on Him wanting the absolute best for His daughter and refusing to let me settle for something less than His best for me.

The purpose of being patient for promise is faith, faith that the Lord is in control regardless of any feeling that I may have. The Lord is a promise maker and a promise keeper and for that I am so thankful. And it is also because of that I can truly believe that the best is yet to come. 

Other words that have encouraged me greatly are these...

"Because He loves you, God will not bless you so richly that you do not have to trust Him. He blesses you seasonally, proportionately, and incremently because He wants to bestow you with both the gift itself and the gift of faith, and never the former without the latter."

Promise maker, promise keeper, in control and working for His glory and my good. For all those reasons and more, I can trust Him and be patient for His promise that will be greater than I could ever hope or imagine.

It is well.

I work with some of the most incredible people ever. After a long Monday of school and parent-teacher conferences, I walked into another teacher's room to two of the people on my team listening to one of my favorite groups, Bethel. They immediately insisted that I hear the song. The song is called, "It Is Well." It was a song I had heard before and liked but had never really focused on the words until one of them literally said, "Listen to those words, like does it get any better than that?"

The words were, "Let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."

Just the words "Let go my soul..." means so much. It was the most perfect reminder on the most perfect of days that the very thing that my heart and soul won't let go of, deserves to be laid at the feet of Jesus. And because of the next words of the song, laying it down and letting it go is all okay.

"The waves and wind still know His name."

The storms in life full of waves and wind know His name and they STILL have to answer to Him, like they have had to from the very beginning of time. I am so thankful that the Lord is sovereign and that everything in my life is either God-arranged or God-allowed. Nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to me has not passed through the hands of the Lord. I am also thankful that He is a good Father who only knows how to give good gifts.

So, listen to the song. If you're like me, it should probably be on repeat as a reminder to your soul to let go and keep your eyes on the Lord, through it all.

It It Well by Bethel

keep going...

Today was my first official day as a 4th grade teacher. This time next week, I will have completed my first "First Day of School." In our faculty meeting this morning, we were shown this video and I was so touched by the simple words. If you are like me, this you are seeing this video at the most perfect time, funny how that works isn't it? So check it out. :)

http://youtu.be/-JhwaRYOgxo

When I think about the people that have reminded me to "Keep Going," so many people come to mind. My parents, best friends, teammates, family, etc. The list is honestly endless. But then I think about the people that have no idea that they have encouraged me. It might not come in the form of the actual words "Keep Going," but in the form of any encouragement, a smile, a text message, or a note on a day when it is more needed than that person will ever know. That list is even longer and it has grown exponentially in the last few months. I am so blessed. 

We all have people in our lives that are great encouragers, people that seem like they were actually put on this Earth to encourage and remind us to "Keep Going." My life is full of those people. My mom and dad are those people and not just because they are my parents and they are supposed to but because they are actually amazing encouragers and they speak so much life into the people that they come into contact with on a daily basis. I have so many more people that do this for me but if I started to list them this could get pretty long.

Those people in our lives do so much for us and the odds are that we never get the chance or just never tell them thank you or how amazing they are at what they do. Like this video says, Tell them.

"Even though the waves are bigger than our boats- the winds keep us sailing and love gives us hope."

a plan to give you hope and a future...

I am a short 2 days away from setting foot in my very first classroom. To say that the past 4 years flew by is an understatement, it went faster than I could have ever imagined. As a freshman starting a degree in elementary education, it felt like this time would never come, but it is here and faster than I ever thought it would be. At the beginning of this summer I looked at the beginning of school a little like it was imaginary but now the closer it gets, the more it is setting in and the more I am realizing about the adventure that I set off on in a few short days.

Getting to this point was not easy or the "normal" route but I have seen the Lord work so much in my life this summer and in the process of getting a job. This may be lengthy but it shows the goodness of the Lord and how He keeps His promises.

The classroom I will walk into on Monday morning wasn't the classroom I imagined myself in when I graduated. Before graduation I interviewed at a wonderful school and was under the impression that that is the school where I would start my career. After starting the hiring process there was a short time where the things that were supposed to be happening on the timeline weren't and I became a little concerned about my position at this particular school. Graduation came and went and I moved back home and eagerly started thinking about my future classroom, students, and career. However, the more time that passed the less I heard about confirming my hiring and signing my contract. I reached out to the necessary people and sitting on my front porch right at sundown (my favorite time of day) I learned that my position was no longer mine and I would have to start the job search over from square one. Being offered a position before graduation, in the field of education, is very rare and I was so looking forward to a stress free summer where looking for a job was the least of my worries- but obviously, that quickly became the very situation I found myself in. I was given no answers or reasons why.

I am usually a very low stress person and I am not easily bent out of shape when it comes to things I cannot control, but I must say that I started a little bit of a freakout. I had already told people about my job opportunity and people knew that is where I was supposed to be. I was a little embarrassed that when people asked I now had to explain myself and what happened without really having any sort of clue myself. I was frustrated and really didn't know what to do.

I watched the district website and sent countless emails but I was so discouraged that I really didn't feel like doing anything about my situation at all. I decided to email a principal in the area that I had talked to earlier in the year about an opening. I knew she had probably already filled the position but it would be worth a shot, why not, she might have something or know someone who did. Upon emailing that principal I got an email back almost instantly. She asked me to come in for an interview the next week.

Between emailing the principal and my interview date I was also contacted by a high school in the same area as the school I would be interviewing at to come in and talk about a softball coaching job. I have wanted to coach for as long as I have wanted to be a teacher and I always knew that it would be part of my career I was just not prepared for it to be so soon into my career. I actually went for both interviews on the same day. I went to the softball interview first and sat in the office waiting when the resource officer pretended to answer the phone and said, "Joe's Pool Hall, 8 ball speaking..." If you read my post about my Papa, you'll remember that told me how to answer the phone in this exact way. I actually smiled sitting there in the school office at the most perfect reminder of my Papa. I enjoyed speaking with the people at the high school and left the interview with them saying they would be in touch. I then went to the elementary school that is literally 7 minutes down the road. I sat in that office waiting area for about 10 minutes where I heard a little kid look up at his dad and say, "I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich." Another one of my Papa's favorite things to say to me and my little brother. At this point I actually looked at the ceiling and smiled because twice in one day was just too cool. If that wasn't a sign enough for me then I don't know what is. I haven't done very many interviews, but I have never felt more at home or comfortable around a group of people than I did at that school and I left feeling very hopeful.

I received two calls that afternoon, one from Welcome Elementary where I will be teaching 4th grade this coming year and one from Berea High School where I am the head softball coach. I went from no job to two jobs in a matter of twelve hours. I was so thankful and, if I'm honest, a little overwhelmed.

When my first job opportunity fell through I was upset because I thought that was the best thing that could have happened to me, a job before graduation at a school with an outstanding reputation. But, and there is always a but, the Lord had SO much more in store. My heart is with children that attend Title 1 schools, schools were the majority of the students are living in poverty. The school where I would have been was not Title 1 but Welcome Elementary is. My heart is also on a ball field with girls who I can build relationships with and make better through the game of softball. That door would not have been open at the beginning of this process either but me being at Welcome opened the door to be able to coach at Berea.

I am so thankful that the Lord closes doors and that He opens doors. At a time where I was very frustrated and discouraged, the Lord opened doors in my life that have put me in a position that I truly think will allow others to see more of Him than if I were anywhere else.

The Lord promises to do more than we could imagine (Eph. 3:20) and He promises to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I am seeing Him do both and I could not be more excited to see Him work for my good and for His glory.

The classroom I will walk into on Monday may not be the classroom I imagined myself in but I am certain and so thankful it is the classroom that I am supposed to be in.

As I start this journey, pray for me, my students, my players, that I will be a teacher that makes a difference and a coach that betters players not only as athletes but as people too. 

position and intention

I recently heard a message that had this as a main point- it doesn't matter what your intentions are, the positions you put yourself in will always determine your actions. 

Of course, I immediately was like, "Yeah! That's good stuff," and then the more that I thought about it I started to think of how it applied to my life. Then, I started to defend myself a little. My thoughts turned to, "I agree with all that and I put myself in good positions and my intentions are good and blah blah blah..." I quickly realized something about myself, and I must say it was not an easy realization- I have great intentions, however, I don't always put myself in situations that help me reach those good intentions. When it comes to the black and white stuff, I'm pretty solid, however, I found myself complaining about certain things and expecting those things to change based on the other person or the circumstance instead of taking things into my own hands and changing my position.

Realizing all of this came pretty quickly but the putting it into action did not. I found that we as people become very comfortable with certain situations we put ourselves in, even if they are not the best for reaching our good intentions. I was comfortable with my complaining and putting all the blame on someone else and continuing to think things would change when they obviously would not, I would have sat in that pity party forever because I was comfortable there. But, where I was meant that I was experiencing no growth, no movement forward. Growth rarely happens in the comfortable. 

So, I made a choice to get uncomfortable and change my position, reach my good intentions, and grow a little. I'm not going to lie, it was and is still a little uncomfortable but that's okay. I know that I am growing and changing and putting myself into positions that are going to help me and the other people in my life. 

As I sit here and write this, I am reminded of Ephesians 3:20 where the Lord promises to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine. What this means to me in this situation is this- I am uncomfortable but I am growing and He is doing immeasurably more in my life and that immeasurably more is worth the small amount of discomfort and most definitely worth the growth that I am experiencing. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."  -Ephesians 3:20

shouts and whispers.

"Jesus won't try to speak over the noise in our lives. The more we shout, the more He whispers."

-Bob Goff

I came across this quote on Twitter and like many quotes that I like, I retweeted it. After pressing the retweet button I read the quote again, again and again. Words and their power to express the feelings and happenings of life never cease to amaze me. How there are words for everything and somehow when you can't really find the words to explain how you feel or where you are, you somehow come across someone who has put your feelings into the most perfect words, as if they have taken the very words from the tip of your tongue, the ones that wouldn't quite come out before. For these people and these moments, I am so thankful. It was a moment like the one I just described that I had with this quote. 

I am in somewhat of a transition phase of life, or at least I guess that is what you would call it. Post-graduation and pre-real world. Now most people would call this the most glorious of places to be, however, my personality and the "in-between" have never mixed very well. I shouldn't complain about this time because when August hits my life as a full time teacher and softball coach begins and I could not be more thankful for the opportunities that I have been given, I am getting to live out a dream that I have had for as long as I can remember. As thankful as I am for this in-between and the doors that have opened for me, there have been some challenges and life has gotten "noisy."

The noise is my life comes from many places and most of those places are good. I think my first reaction was to think that all noise in life was bad noise and I was quickly reminded that if there was no noise, how boring of a life that would be. I'm starting to realize that the noise isn't bad, it is my reaction to the noise that needs to change. 

Right now, I am shouting just about as loud as I can, clenched fists, red in the face, sometimes using a megaphone, at the fact that this time in life is a little scary, uncertain, and uncomfortable. Combine my shouting with the noisiness of life and you can imagine what I feel like I can hear at this moment- nothing too clearly. Lack of clarity is frustration, discouraging and disappointing and those are all the emotions of a person focused on the noise and my own shouting.

True clarity comes from shifting my focus from the noise to Jesus. He makes himself heard, even through all the noise and shouting, like the quote says, in a whisper. Looking back over the course of the frustration and feelings of discomfort I can see there have been moments where the Lord has whispered His promises to me at the very moments when the noise and my screaming is the very loudest. I am seeing more and more that the problem here isn't the amount of noise in my life right now, it is my lack of focus and my lack of keeping Jesus at the center of everything.

I was reminded tonight at church that with Jesus at the center, everything gets better and that He wants nothing more for me than for me to be filled with joy.

When I am shouting, He is whispering, constantly drawing me closer to Him, like a good and perfect Father does. 

late night ramblings...

In just writing, reflecting, and venting tonight I thought I'd share a little of what is currently on my heart...

"...When I think about this whole thing I think about the journey that the Lord has me on. There are days that I feel so good and so strong and then there are days when I feel so scared and defeated that just getting out of bed is difficult. But the beautiful thing is that Jesus is faithful and He has proven that to me every single day. He carries me when I literally cannot take another step and when my heart feels absolutely crushed in a million pieces, He takes me into His loving arms and reminds me that my heart does not belong to anything of this world, it belongs to just the opposite-- HIM. I'm learning that it is okay to be real, it is okay to be raw, and it is okay to be emotional. It is okay to be the way I was made, because I was made in the image of my Heavenly Father..."

Short and sweet but those are His promises to us as His children and the Truth that we get to rejoice in through Him.

Disappointment.

Disappointment... other than never knowing how to spell that word and always wanting to put in an extra "s," disappointment it is my least favorite emotion of them all. I would much rather be scared, sad, angry, upset, mad, just anything other than disappointed. There is something about being disappointed that hurts a little worse than all those other emotions. It cuts a little deeper.

As a Christian that is always trying and usually failing to follow Christ every single day, I struggle often with feeling like I have disappointed God. That I have once again failed Him, failed in loving my neighbor, failed in turning the other check, and failed in putting Him first in my life. If you are human and anything like me, you have felt the same way- a disappointment before a Holy Savior.

But I heard something that other day that I can't seem to shake. I have thought about it almost daily since I heard it and I still can't seem to get my mind around it.

You have never disappointed God. 

To which my response was, "Oh, I don't think you know some of the things I've done, said about people, wished on people, thought about people, etc. etc. etc." The list goes on, right?

But the more I thought about that statement the more I am realizing that it is true. True for me and true for you.

Think about what makes disappointment so painful. We are often most disappointed because someone did something that we didn't...expect. We didn't see it coming, we were caught off guard, surprised, shocked, thrown for a loop, blindsided. We are most hurt when it comes to disappointment because of the element of surprise.

Now think about the nature of our God. He has never not seen it coming, been caught off guard, surprised, shocked, thrown for a loop, or blindsided. Nothing that you or I do is going to shock Him. He actually knew everything about us, including our actions and choices, before He even made us. And the most amazing part... He made us anyway.

I know this is so hard for me to understand because I can't understand that kind of love. The kind of love that knows all the wrongs and chooses to love anyway, the kind of love that is unconditional and never gives up, the kind of love that casts out fear. That kind of love is so hard to get my mind around but it is the kind of love that He loves me with.

So, no matter what, you have never disappointed God. He is always there, He is constant, and He is love. His pursuit of us is so passionate and fierce and He longs for a relationship with us not based on our actions or feelings of "disappointment" but based on His unending and amazing grace.

For that, I am so incredibly thankful.

"Well Done"... for my Grandma

My Grandma lost her battle with cancer a few weeks ago. Before she died, she asked that I speak at her funeral. Doing that was such an honor along with one of the hardest things I've ever done. Having her as a Grandma was one of the most amazing and joyful parts of my life. I am so thankful for her. This is what I shared at her funeral....

"I'll start by saying that there are no words that can adequately describe my Grandma in a way that could ever come close to describing the lady that she was and the impact she had on our family.

When I was little, my Grandma kept me while my parents were at work. We played games, watched TV, and we read books. We read a ton of books. I'm pretty sure that my Grandma is the reason I love to read so much now. She would come to my school and read to my class and much to my dismay all the other kids wanted to sit on her lap while she read. I often cried when this happened and told all the kids in my class that they couldn't sit with her because she was MY Grandma. Looking back it really is funny but in my first grade mind she was mine and no one else's. The last few days before my Grandma passed away, I had the honor of reading to her every single day. And even still, in my 21 year old mind, she was mine and no one else's.

My Grandma had a heart for other people. I never heard a harsh word out of her mouth or a negative comment. She lived to serve others. When Garrett and I were little, Grandma could have owned stock in pancake mix and in ice cream. However many pancakes we wanted was what we got and if I wanted to sit and eat an entire gallon of vanilla ice cream in one sitting (which I did on more than one occasion) that was fine too. Miraculously, there were always pancakes and there was always ice cream. She loved me and Garrett so much and we loved her.

I didn't ever leave her house without her telling me, "Hannah, pretty is as pretty does." Most of the time I shook my head and smiled not really understanding until I was a little older. See, my Grandma knew and understood that a pretty heart was much more valuable than how pretty the outside may be. A heart for Jesus and a heart chasing after Jesus was what she thought was pretty and the older I got the more I started to see how truly beautiful my Grandma was.

One day last week, I was sitting by her bed watching a ball game with her when she grabbed my hand, looked at me and said, "Hannah, I'm going to miss you so much, I just wish I could have lived a better life and set a better example." I looked in disbelief at the woman I'd admired for 21 years as the Godliest woman I knew thinking she cannot be serious. But what she said next took my breath away. She looked up at me and said, "I am just so thankful that Jesus loved me enough to save me." I smiled and told her how amazing of a woman she was and how perfect of an example she had been for me. But what my Grandma said last, about being thankful that Jesus saved her, perfectly sums up her life.

No matter what life threw at her, her life constantly proclaimed the goodness of her God. Cancer could not touch her love for Jesus and in a time where it was incredibly difficult, she showed me Jesus, just like she had every other day of her life.

I heard a sermon once by Pastor Dan Lian titled, "Well Done." He started the message with a simple phrase: "Only one thing will matter- Did I life life to serve the purposes of Jesus in such a way to render the words 'Well Done' from Him?"

There is no doubt in my mind that when Grandma met her Jesus Thursday morning, He took her cancer free body into his arms and said, 'Well Done.'"