Disappointment.

Disappointment... other than never knowing how to spell that word and always wanting to put in an extra "s," disappointment it is my least favorite emotion of them all. I would much rather be scared, sad, angry, upset, mad, just anything other than disappointed. There is something about being disappointed that hurts a little worse than all those other emotions. It cuts a little deeper.

As a Christian that is always trying and usually failing to follow Christ every single day, I struggle often with feeling like I have disappointed God. That I have once again failed Him, failed in loving my neighbor, failed in turning the other check, and failed in putting Him first in my life. If you are human and anything like me, you have felt the same way- a disappointment before a Holy Savior.

But I heard something that other day that I can't seem to shake. I have thought about it almost daily since I heard it and I still can't seem to get my mind around it.

You have never disappointed God. 

To which my response was, "Oh, I don't think you know some of the things I've done, said about people, wished on people, thought about people, etc. etc. etc." The list goes on, right?

But the more I thought about that statement the more I am realizing that it is true. True for me and true for you.

Think about what makes disappointment so painful. We are often most disappointed because someone did something that we didn't...expect. We didn't see it coming, we were caught off guard, surprised, shocked, thrown for a loop, blindsided. We are most hurt when it comes to disappointment because of the element of surprise.

Now think about the nature of our God. He has never not seen it coming, been caught off guard, surprised, shocked, thrown for a loop, or blindsided. Nothing that you or I do is going to shock Him. He actually knew everything about us, including our actions and choices, before He even made us. And the most amazing part... He made us anyway.

I know this is so hard for me to understand because I can't understand that kind of love. The kind of love that knows all the wrongs and chooses to love anyway, the kind of love that is unconditional and never gives up, the kind of love that casts out fear. That kind of love is so hard to get my mind around but it is the kind of love that He loves me with.

So, no matter what, you have never disappointed God. He is always there, He is constant, and He is love. His pursuit of us is so passionate and fierce and He longs for a relationship with us not based on our actions or feelings of "disappointment" but based on His unending and amazing grace.

For that, I am so incredibly thankful.